Final Literacy Narrative

 

                                        God Comes When You Least Expect It

          Psalms 91:2 “I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

        Life in the ghetto parts of the Bronx is never easy. The musty smell floating in the atmosphere, the garbage littering the streets so much that you can’t even see the sidewalk, the dark clouds floating over everybody's head, and the buildings that all look the same. My mom made sure to raise us correctly and specially made sure to raise us up in God. Since I was 10 years old my family and I have been going to church. Our church was called “United Church Unlimited”. I would wake up on a sunny Sunday morning at 8am. My feet dragged across the floor as I walked to the bathroom to freshen up. When I was done, I would go into my room and force myself into my small, short black dress with white polka dots in it. After getting dressed and packing my bag me and my family would head out into the church van that was waiting outside. The van was old and red. It had scratch marks all over it and it was covered in dirt. My family and other people heading to church packed inside the van like a pack of sardines. Once we finally made it to church the usher sat us in our seats. The seats were long old wooden benches with a red cushion on it. I never understood the true meaning of church and having a relationship with God. When the pastor would preach his words would go through one ear and out the other. I didn’t understand what he was saying and as a kid the only thing I was focused on was going home and getting something to eat. My mom always talked to me about God and how “we need to follow him, so we don’t go to hell.” But as a 10-year-old kid who had their mind set on other things, I didn’t take the message that seriously. Fast Forward, a couple years later in 2020 me, my mom, my 3 sisters, and my 4 brothers moved from the Bronx to Staten Island due to an emergency move. This was in the middle of Covid, so everything was shut down including school. I was trapped at home not being able to do anything and explore my new neighborhood. So, the only thing left to do was go on TikTok. While lying in my bed scrolling on TikTok I came across a series of bible videos. This is the first time I discovered Christian TikTok. The TikTok that really left a mark on me was a guy named David Latting. He was a young man who posts bible Tik Tok talking about how good God is and ways people can get closer to God. His videos are what inspired me to get closer to God. I started to take my relationship with God seriously and spend more time with him. I started to read my bible and specifically started on the book of Psalms because it's so motivating and inspiring. Because in God's presence it feels like you're floating on a cloud, it feels like there's a light around you and the only feeling you can feel is love. God is the definition of love. It totally makes you forget all the struggles of your life and you're just at peace. I decided to take it a step up and start to spread the gospel. I wanted to let my friends and people on social media know what being in God's presence feels like. I spread the gospel on snapchat, YouTube, Instagram and TikTok. I did get some hate and lost a lot of friends along the way. It did affect me, but my mom told me that “if people hate you, just remember they hated Jesus first.” And this really puts it in perspective because people hated Jesus for doing nothing but good, so I know that I am going to get hate for spreading the word of God. My mom makes sure to remind me to keep going and not to let anybody for any situation discourage me. Around this time my mom’s health started to worsen. For some context, my mom struggled with high blood pressure because of her pregnancy. Every time she got angry her blood pressure would rise and she would have to cool down. It is bad to the point where she would have to wear a heart monitor to track her heartbeat and her blood pressure. She had no serious complications, but it did make her life a little hard since she wasn’t able to look up heavy things. Despite her complications my mom always kept a smile on her face. She always remained positive despite her health issues. After a few weeks she ended up being diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and low blood pressure on top of her high blood pressure. Life was still pretty much going the same. We had to manage through covid. Waking up to open a laptop everyday of your life isn't ideal but you have to make way. Having to go to school online took away time to spend with my mom and my family. My eyes would be glued to a laptop from 9am to 3pm every day and even after 3pm because of homework. I remember my mom would ask me “Do you want to play monopoly?” And each time my answer would be “no” because I had work, or I just wanted to spend time alone. Each time my family asked me to do something with them I would 90% of the time say no because I always had things to do. My social life was affected very badly because of covid. I sort of wanted to get away from everybody and everyone because I was so focused on school and my mental health wasn’t the best. When you're so busy with school you feel like a puppet on strings, like your being controlled. School is the one controlling you and you are the puppet. And here you have your family trying to free you by asking you to come engage with them but because you're being controlled by the puppet you say “no” to their request. I would live to regret ever denying my family because little did, I know, on August 20th, 2022, I would lose the only mom I’ve ever had. On August 19th, 2022, it was a regular Friday. I was at home relaxing and doing stuff that I would usually do. I wanted to hang out with my older sister Tionney who lived in Brooklyn because I haven’t seen her in a while. So, my sisters and I decided to sleep over at Tionneys house and have some girl time. Fast forward to the evening and it was about 7pm. Me and my sisters are ready to leave, and we say goodbye to my mom. My mom was in the living room playing Mario with my brothers. She looked completely fine. She had a bright smile on her face, and she was laughing at the game. If you were to see my mom that day you wouldn’t expect that she would be dead by 12am. I arrived at my sister's house around 7:45pm and we were talking and eating food, and everything was fine. Around 8pm I received a voice note from my mom yelling at me because I put the bath towels and washcloths in the wrong place. God told me to apologize to her, but I didn’t care, and I wanted to continue having fun, so I didn’t reply to her voice note. I woke up the next morning at 10am. I texted my mom if she was awake because she wanted to go see a friend today and wanted me to come home early to watch my brothers. When she didn’t reply I shook it off to her changing her plans and I was happy that I would get to stay at my sister's house longer. A few minutes later Tionney comes walking into the living room where I was laying down and she tells me that my mom died. Supposedly. My mom's heart stopped beating randomly in the middle of the night and she passed away. My sister found my mom laying in her bed. She was positioned like she was sitting at the edge of the bed and just fell over onto the bed. I remember laughing after she told me the news. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had to force myself to cry so I could feel something. I then had to hear the cries of all my other sisters after they heard the news. To hear them sound so normal and confused at first and then break down in wails that are unbearable to the human ears. It all just seemed unreal. Even when standing in front of her body, I was just praying that she would wake up. I kept screaming in my head “Wake up!” but she never did. And deep inside I knew that I would never get my mom back, no matter how much I pretended that she would magically come alive again. I felt so frustrated with God. Why would he take my mom away a few weeks before my senior year? She wouldn’t be here to see my graduation, what college I got accepted to, my 18th birthday, so my milestones my mom would miss. I lost my relationship with God for a while. I didn’t know what to say to him or how to feel. I was confused and scared and just wanted my mom back. One day when I was sitting in my room depressed. I thought back to my life with my mom and all the good times. And I remember my mom telling me to “always keep God in your life.” At that moment I decided to pray. My prayer went from words to tears instantly. All I could do was cry and beg God for help. Within seconds the tears stopped flowing from my eyes. I felt at peace. I wasn’t worried or scared or anything at all to be honest. I was just at peace. I was confused on why I was feeling this way, it was so random and out of the blue. Then I remembered I was in God's presence. I am still grieving, and I think I will forever grieve the loss of my mom. But I maintained a relationship with God. Whenever I get sad, I think back to that moment when I was crying to God, and he gave me peace. I took it as him letting me know that everything was going to be alright and that my mom was safe with him. Going through this dark time is a part of my testimony that I share with people. When someone goes through such a deep loss you wouldn’t expect them to be so composed in life. But with God, he kept me straight. He protected me and gave me a sound mind. And I want to share that with people. Nothing can stop me from spreading the word of God. He's the only way, the truth, and the life. God loves you so much and I just pray that one day you will embrace the love God has for you.